Not So Good News

On Tuesday I noticed a bump on Amani's head. It was above his right ear. The little guy is ALWAYS bumping his head. We joke that he should wear a helmet! But something about the location and something in my gut was telling me it needed to be checked. I called UCSF and they wanted to see him right away. I quickly switched gears from what I had planned for the day, got Bret on board to watch the kids and set of for the city. When we got there they sent us right up to x-ray. I have spent enough time there that I feel like I can read the technicians pretty well. I have been right most of the time, knowing whether it is good or bad based on their manners, facial expressions, etc. I was feeling like it wasn't good news. I didn't want to get worked up though. It was very likely an injury. Right? We went back downstairs and had to sit in the waiting room before seeing the doctor. I felt like I was going to throw-up. When we were called in to see the oncologist, again I could tell. It wasn't good. She said she had bad news. It was hard to catch a breath. It is another lesion on his skull. It was able to grow during treatment. We are back to square one. We have to attack it again. They raised the dose a bit and we are back to the clinic for chemo every week and steroids three times a day. It is disheartening. We went back today to get started. He also had to have full body x-rays, again. His tiny body is really being out through the ringer. What will all this radiation exposure mean for him down the line? I had to hold him down. He cried and screamed. He is a great sport about everything, but doesn't like the scans or x-rays. He may also be getting tired of the whole scene. The nurses adore him and shower him with love and compliments. They think he is gorgeous. In a few days he'll be puffy and uncomfortable again. His treatments will keep going with no clear end in sight. I need to get back into a good spot about this. I feel so tired and discouraged. I'm sure it will all look a bit better tomorrow.